Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Over the last couple of days, I have been worried about my voice.

If you are a singer, you know what I'm talking about. If not, it is hard to emphasis just how paranoid a singer is about their voice. We become maniacal, obsessive, superstitious, and on-edge every time vocal problems lurk. And when vocal problems are nowhere near us, we are still maniacal, obsessive, and superstitious about those vocal folds.

I just spent about 2 hours googling things from Vocal Strain to Effects of Anti-inflammatory Drugs on Singers. I haven't had voice lessons for about 4 months! Holy shit! Longest time I have gone without them in my life. I have to get back to it!

Just a couple of problems: 1. The only teacher I trust teaches classical and that's not what I need right now.
2. I have no money.

But I am in dire need of some direction. After singing for so many hours last week, tired to body's end, after months of minimum singing (and any other activity), I let my voice slip to the point of "unsupported". Thanks to my improper technique, I have spent two days drinking water like a camel in a desert, barely talking, trying to avoid singing if I can help it, paranoid as fuck, and having nightmares about vocal polyps.

I will be okay. I will be okay. I will be okay.

I even bought a mini-vaporizer today. I decided that if I am going to ingest weed, I am going to do it the healthy way. And no weed before I sing, because pot, like most other things in the fucking world, changes the way the body (and vocal chords) function, react, sound.

Alcohol to be avoided also.

I am going to buy a humidifier for my room as well.

Oh yes, it is time for me to become the Ultimate Paranoid Singer (according to non-singing folk around me), or as I like to call it, the Ultimate Cautious and Healthy Singer.

Or pretty close to ultimate. I can't give up ALL my vices now, what would I write songs about?

Turns out this band is whipping me back into shape!


Monday, April 6, 2009


Do you ever feel like your the whirlwind of your life has suddenly stopped, and all you are left with is silence and your thoughts?

Now that my life seems to be going back on track, a new band, more hours at work, I somehow still look for holes to fill.

And my friendship with Andrew is now becoming a hole. I thought things would go back to normal with us after we had talked it out. Maybe that whole conversation we had where we decided everything was okay was the result of wishful thinking. Because I feel like things have changed. I can't just call Andrew without it seeming like I'm calling him because I have feelings for him. And he hasn't called me but once, to return my call yesterday telling him about the band. And I was in band practice, so unfortunately I didn't pick up. I tried calling him back tonight, but no luck.

And Facebook has once again proved it's evil, allowing me to find out information that I didn't want to know: Andrew doesn't think he will be making it to Montreal this summer (which means he isn't coming). He had talked to be before about possibly visiting, and I guess now he has put that on hold. I see that he is putting his girlfriend first. I understand that that is what he has to do for now, but I wish it weren't so. I wish it was the way it was before in so many ways, before I brought about this new wave of shittiness. And above all, I hope that things don't stay like this for too long... or forever.

To distract me from all the loneliness and holes, I have been receiving past-midnight Saturday night phone calls from this guy Percy, who I had a one-night stand with around October. The morning after we slept together, I realised that it wouldn't be going anywhere because I wasn't interested in my sober state. Luckily, he didn't call me for about a month, so I figured it was mutual. Instead, he suddenly started calling me sporadically, always really late on Saturday nights. Excuse me, but how insulting is that? The only time you ever hear from a guy after fucking them is on Saturday nights when they are drunk at a bar? I never even picked up, instead got a trail of loud, inaudible messages from the chap over the months. 

So this Saturday night, he called me again. (Didn't get the message after I didn't answer or return his calls the first 5 times.) So instead of hoping he would stop calling, I decided to pick up and give him a piece of my mind. I answer the phone, and get this, I can't even hear what the fucker is saying, and he can't hear me because wherever his drunking escapade is taking place is too loud. So at this point, I am livid. So I decide to end this once and for all.

I text him: "Yo. The only times I hear from you is late on Saturday nights. I don't appreciate or want that shit. You're ruining a good memory."

He responds: "Oook well im sorry i just wanted to see you again but just didnt no if u wanted watever its ok......... goodnight."

Cold-hearted-bitch me, didn't respond.

Percy: "Watever im sorry."

Me: "It's okay. Goodnight."

Percy: "But if anytime ur free would you like to do something? in all seriousness?"

And once again, I didn't respond.
If you are somehow confused as to my anger at this blubbering idiot, please listen and learn:
If you want to see a girl again, you call her in a sober state, when the sun is still shining, somewhere inside 2 weeks of sleeping together. You don't wait until you're drunk, horny, and expect her to be in the mood to plan a nice 2nd date. Women are not stupid, I am not stupid, and all that kind of behaviour says to me is, I.Only.Want.You.For.Sex.And.I.Forget.About.You.All.Week.Until.I.Am.Too.Drunk.To.Even.Get.I

So fuck you, Percy. I don't have time for immaturity.

And fuck you, Andrew. That's right, I said it. For not loving me back, for being whipped by your Oatmeal-Personality girlfriend, for not calling me anymore. I don't care if my anger is irrational, I am just so annoyed by the way things turned out. More than annoyed. It really upsets me to the core, that our friendship is changing for the worst.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Music, Finally

After all the Men & Mary J, we have barely discussed the Music aspect of my life.

Reason being, Music was on the down-lo... aka not taking up a nearly significant enough portion of my life.

And now, I have found a purpose again. I've joined a band.

The process was so simple and yet I had never attempted it before. I kept complaining that I don't have large enough networks with people who play music, when it was right there, accessible by this box known as my computer: MontrealMusicScene.Com.

(Yes, I am endorsing them, because they just might have saved my life.)

I came across the site on one of my random Google searches the other night. I scanned it for a couple of hours, looking at wanted ads for singers. I came across only one that I felt worthy a reply. 4 days later, and I am part of the band.

Thank god. It is going to be such a great project too. Fusion of Indie and Jazz, geniously composed by a classically trained pianist. We are going to be 7 musicians, including one other singer with a child-like vocal inflection, a Betty-Boop appearing drummer, some Spanish influence on the guitar, a Violinist, Bassist, and the brains of the project on keyboards, splash of vocals and Ukelele.

And the sound is exactly what I would spend all day listening to. Which makes it a dream to sing.

So we are starting off by practicing, a lot. 4 days a week. But the show is going to be on the road... we hope. Ambitions: Gigs in a couple of weeks, touring this summer, and recording before year's end.

What more could a girl ask for?


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